Imagining…

As I sit here with wishful thoughts of one day seeing the light beyond this place I yearn to see your smiling face. I sit here on the bed with old stuff scattered about from a years worth of past. I only look upon and try to smile even though tears fall from long memories burned in. From the day I was baptized to even to right before that I shared great times with one of the most inspirational person I have known. You accomplished so many things of greatness now you live on in the memories of mine and all those you shared your life with. I can now only imagine what it will be like to see you again. I don’t know for sure if you will be exactly the same or what I will even appear to be like I do know that while on earth our love was great and still is the greatest love I have ever experienced. I have learned over the past year an incredible amount of things about people even though it would seem as though some places I went I shouldn’t have gone like Daniel being thrown into the lions den but not quite the same cause mine were people as vicious as they seemed weather or not they were family by blood or not the ones I lived with good or bad as they tried to be to me. Still to this day I don’t hate no one no matter what was done to me emotional wise never physical cause as far as I know no one wouldn’t dare to even cross that line. Although not sure of my actions I am glad for me and them that it never came to that. I have made mistakes and hit a few for the words they spoke I apologized to them that was not being a true Christian. Now I look at what I must do to be one and with your inspirations as well as God’s in mind I keep my eyes on Him not to fall astray with words of past wisdoms spoke to hearts of those that truly hear the Shepard calling. Its time now to conquer all that remains that is to continue to walk without shame of my past I look only to see Him one day and behold I hope I can say I done my best Lord. With this in mind with words now written never again will I smoke a cigarette and more people should do the same. I now am experincing something so new I don’t remember when I felt so not so blue. I still have my moments of monuments of digging up bones so to speak that are dead and gone with only memories left of inspirations never ending cause your inspirations came from same source as mine and all the Christians that remain upon this earth. The Bible is there if I read and study it I am now able to bear my cross that I must carry to the end of my days. Wait now I see the cross has been lifted by Jesus’s hands when He carried His to Calvary. I now know the truth of which I so desired long ago except it was helped along by Him that one day I met you and the rest of your family. Your parents are awesome still true Christians as far as I can tell only God knows what is in our hearts. Its different now how clear I see I wished I could have begun this journey while you were still here you would have been even more happy than you were. I do remember so much from the distant past not crying these days as I was because I remember a Christian should not cry like I have no hope but I am still effected by the verse “ Jesus Wept”. Now I gather for this feast of words hopefully changing someone’s mind about who I am or how a Christian should be just remember Jeannie and the life she lived and you will know where inspiration of mine begins. I don’t write so often because it takes so much out of me then I remember our trips to Myrtle Beach where you climbed Mt. Atlanticus and others and you walked around to play mini golf so much fun we had. I was simply amazed to see you walk the distance now you don’t have to walk any further. That’s why you are my inspiration cause you went the distance I see people who don’t even try well that was over the past year in all the places I went carrying you in my thoughts and Jesus in my heart where He will always stay. There are more like you with your determination I am sure cause they have their heart where yours was. One day just imagining a world without you and while it hurts still love is their warming my soul with the light of Jesus in there. I never will forget you I know some feelings may fade but its your simple determination that sets me a goal that no matter what I will no longer sit with woe is me. I now sit with what maybe my last breathe and the Lord willing to see another day. Although if He calls me home I will not refuse for He is the one I live for. When one day all will see the the truth come in a great big light they will sit no longer for it will be a time to go. As I close this page and post to my blog I will always love you Jeannie a wife forever mine.

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