It is ironic how we walk this earth with joy in our lives to see the beauty in which God has given us the ability to see and hear the sounds of His voice echoing. Life is also filled with sadness at times that we can not see his beauty in that and the reason is Death has no face and if he did it would probably startle us to the point that we realize that Death is not the scary part is not knowing what happens after it. Even though we know what God says it will be like. His words are true but our minds plague us by Fear. When we know God we must realize that what is there to fear. I have no fear when it comes to speaking the truth so in turn I should have no fear of what happens when we loose someone. Each loss maybe different which I myself have not experienced loosing a Father or Sister or Brother by birth. I have experienced something like no other that I have before June 7, 2014 when Jeannie went from this world. Its been a touch and go with God on this not understanding His purpose or plan for such events in my life. I have no fear of what happen after with her I only have fear of being without her but I do know I am not really without her. She has never left my heart which is difficult at times knowing what I know. There has been someone who reminded me of this last night. A good and dear friend is name will not be mention because its not really important of who its what they said. I know God has a greater plan and purpose for me. When I figured it out it changed cause I changed when I am weak not knowing why I was falling into the darkness that plagues us all. We have to remember that we follow God we walk in the light where no darkness can find residence. The hard part is staying in the light and I want to elaborate on that darkness which is sin by the way. If we don’t change the path we are on and we fall victim to the darkness of Satan by letting lies and any other corrupt idea or anything that is not of God and his word then we will loose. Well I say by the truth that’s in my heart I will not be a victim but a survivor of what I called the greatest illness, Sin. Sin comes in many forms and followers of Christ know this or hopefully know it. I have some hurdles to get passed but I will conquer them regardless of the effects of others that don’t see it the way I do or more importantly the way God sees it to be. No more sitting here or laying down on the job of being the best person God wants me to be. I will speak the truth no matter what may come of it. If I am speaking the truth as God has instructed me to do then I will even in life or death situation. He has been the only one that has truly been there no matter what I have said or done and continues to be and do so. Even now with tears of joy with pain in my face with a smile I say that. I know now what I must do I will be guided by those who can guide me that God has entrusted to do so. Sometimes its difficult to imagine what we would do when it comes to really telling the truth. Something my Mom always said to me growing up she said to me always tell the truth no matter the hurt she also said I didn’t raise you to be liars. If I was wrong I have always admitted it even in times I was in trouble with the law when I was younger about 18 and 19 years old. That was a rough year then if you don’t know that is the year 1998. February that year my Grandma passed my moms mother. In December 23, 1998 is a date, no matter how my memory behaves, I will never forget. That was the date my Mom passed away from Breast Cancer she was in a coma. Since it being that date the family was urged to have a burial sooner than normal so we said yes that would be best. So December 24, Christmas Eve, my mom was layed to rest for the final time. Time has passed and still gets to me. I will be truthful time is not of God so why should we say time will ease your pain. No time wont only God can truly take our pain away but since we are on this earth we all have to suffer in some way otherwise we wouldn’t know we were human with raw emotions that sometimes you just cant control. Since years about 15 or so have passed since my mom and grandma passed and now my Wife passing still brings pain like no other. I am thankful that people are around helping in everyway they can sometimes my pain gets extreme and I react. Well I have to learn that the people that try to help are not the problem its me with the uncontrolled emotional pain. Which by the way I feel as though I really do feel emotions different but I do know for a fact that everyone experiences emotions different as well as pain emotional and physical. I am not alone in this world there are truly others that feel the way I do my problem was that I was blinded once again by the words that were being said in my mind me being allowed to be tested to see in which direction my heart would go. I know my purpose is to help those in need through my struggles that one day we may all be on the same page as God to truly see his beauty which his has thought spoken and written into existence. His beauty is in the hearts of many like my Grandma, Mom and most of all my sweet precious Jeannie. To come to self realization through the Word of God is painful to know the real truth which all will be revealed to us by many means whether it be His Word or by people that are truly following in the Light of Him. I will get through this like I have always gotten through this as I have been reminded by a few people that I am a strong man and a man of God. I hope that some how this reaches the hearts of many to think on for a while no need of comments. Just pray for me and you will see the change you so desire to see for the Glory of God. With the truth being said I wish you the best in your journey that I may inspire you some how the ones who read this let it be known that don’t let society or your friends or family even choose your path that only God has planned for you. No matter what the cost always tell the truth it will truly make you free. If you are doing wrong in Gods eyes than change it if you are doing what He has instructed you to do then do it no matter what simply because He is the only one you need to worry about pleasing Him and Glorifying Him which gave you life. Later……..