As I have listened to a song just now and cried my eyes out. I think of those touching moments I shared with Jeannie. Its so hard to live without her she even told me that she was worried about that very thing. Today in itself was a changing event. I now realize what is going on with me and what I need to do to accept that she is gone to God and one day I hope to see her I just have to wait and endure what comes along. I was selfish and Honestly am not supposed to be according to God’s word. We as Christians are supposed to be selfless not selfish and the reason for that is simple that means we are living for flesh not spirit of which made us. From whence we came we shall return. Ashes to ashes dust to dust. My burdens are not as great suffer by Jesus. He was without sin but his Father made him endure so that we may have everlasting life. In that hope that we read about and study tells us that we can do all things through God. We may not know the future or can change what we do know about it. We all know that one day we will meet him and hopefully he will let us all enter that narrow gate. I know and fully understand what I must do. With me I am a quick learner. I just have to keep following what he says to do to get there. We are all sinners but to follow him is so much sweeter. I have to lay my Heavy Burdens down at his feet so that he may crush them like grapes. I may moan and groan about the way the world is and most of the people in it not realizing that I myself are do what I despise the most living for worldly things and not focusing my attention to greater things. With my faults there plus what I don’t mention I stand alone in my own sin. So now what to do? I do what he ask me to do. That is to lift those up in need even though I struggle with loss and other things. I have faith that one day I will see Jeannie again maybe not as I remember but I am hoping that smile that so lingers in my mind. While other images of her remain that are not so grand to look upon the face of death. I will rid those images to where I can cope with life itself. Not knowing what lay ahead of me I know that if I continue the way before I wrote this I was not going to see her. I was tormented by those who thought I didn’t love her. That in itself was murder and it is the same as to lie or steal or be jealous of those that have more. Sin is Sin no matter how you see it. I realize now that why am I letting those people affect my very existence which God gave me not man or woman. Why should I let those oppress me or confuse my walk only to stumble to realize that God is the only one to trust. He says do not put your faith in man only God alone. So I pray for all those who don’t understand that think they do understand. If we waiver just the least bit we could be cut down and thrown into the furnace. I will stand account for everything I have said not said and everything I have done or have not done. Just so you know I do know when people pray for me and it is a lot of people. You might ask how I know just read 1 Corinthians 12 and you will see. I am not hiding anything anymore simply because remember everything done in the dark shall be brought to the light. John 14:6 Jesus *said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through Me. You version bible app verse of the day says NASB version. September 3, 2014: “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Mathew 11:28 NASB. Sept 1, 2014 verse of the day says “ Pursue peace with all men, and the sanctification without which no one will see the Lord.” Well I think its time to come to a close on this for now. God bless all that read and maybe realize the same. Later…….