My sunshine is Gone!!!

Two months today my sunshine left my eyes to shine upward next to God. I see no clouds but tears that seem like rain are the painful memories no longer here. Sure the memories are good but they ended. I am not angry with God or anyone for that matter just realized that my sunshine is gone. I live on the corner of grey street like the void when God first formed the earth. All numb but still just as painful. As I look around everywhere I go no one sits in the car. My sunshine is not shining anywhere the car nor my heart. While it goes blue I am trying to keep it open to maybe one day it will have some sun in it again. Jeannie was so worried and she had every right to be. All the things she said has come to pass but I know I kept my promise on everything including a bottle cause that’s no help just continues to hurt even more. I wish there was something that someone could say but in all reality nothing can be done. As Jesus suffered on the cross and God let him to save us all. Even though I know that one day I will be there with her it wont be the same cause its not now. Sometimes I am so tired of people and all the things in the world I just want him to take me home even like he did with Enoch. I know that the Bible is filled with helpful advice on how to deal with this type of thing that goes on with humans. Times like these I really wish I didn’t have emotions cause I would not feel them but I feel the pain of others as well. As I walk and talk Jeannie is not there to let her sunshine shine on my face. No one is here to take pain away no one is here to help me understand. I gave all my heart to her and when she left she took it with her. I don’t know what to do now I am not totally lost but lost enough to where I cant seem to contemplate trying to find someone that will even give me the sun shine close to jeannies. I know I enjoyed our time but miss things now cause I feel as life is back to boring. Not knowing what lay ahead of my life but I sure wish it would decide that I am not here anymore.  I actually just want to go to a mountain top and never come down. I am supposed to help others but I am so weak that how can I? it doesn’t shine anymore for me maybe for  you cause you have someone to wake up next to. What to do, oh what to do? No answers no looking or searching for them either. As time goes by I will change hopefully get better. Til then My Sunshine is gone with nothing but darkness remains….

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